HOW ALL OF THIS CAME ABOUT.
Hi, I’m Alex Deuscher. I planted a church in Berlin in 2013 as part of the City to City
network. I am the initiator of this “Journey to a Quiet Heart,” and here is why.
It all started with my Sabbatical in 2021. If you had asked me how I was doing prior to this time, I probably would’ve said, “There are always challenges, church planting is hard, but God is good, and I am okay.” But in 2021, I couldn’t say that sentence anymore. After 10 years of preparing, launching, and then leading my church plant in Berlin, my Sabbatical allowed (no, forced?) me to finally take an honest look in the mirror; and what I saw there wasn’t pretty. I was overworked, exhausted, and deeply disappointed by life, God, and my church plant, my marriage was rocky, I was tense, driven, and constantly on my phone. Worst of all, God seemed quite far away, if not absent entirely – at least I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly sensed his presence or had some sort of enjoyment of him outside of “ministry successes.”
So, then, Sabbatical. Finally, a time to rest, regroup, and find the next vision – or so I thought. In reality, a very different time unfolded. For weeks, all I experienced was disorientation. There was an undefined sense of sadness and emptiness, along with processing the pain, disappointment, and drivenness that had accumulated over 10 years. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find God or the next vision. It was a “dark night of the soul” experience for me. As the end of my Sabbatical time approached, however, something unexpected emerged. My heart finally became quiet. I began to sense God’s presence in everyday moments like never before. I found myself curious about what God might or might not do at any given moment, in any encounter. Later, my preaching felt like an overflow of what I was experiencing and learning, rather than trying to scratch out the very last leftovers from an otherwise empty cup. I experienced glimpses of a new kind of life (and ministry), and it has been an incredible (and ongoing!) journey to explore what it looks like to live, lead, and love out of this quiet heart.
As I started to look around again, though, I realized how many friends, fellow church planters, and random people I met at parties are stuck in the exact same place I was before my Sabbatical. The words we would use to describe the mental state of most people in our world today are not happy, flourishing, or connected. But rather, anxious, driven, exhausted, or lonely.
Sadly, this is also true for church planters and church leaders. After 14 years of being part of the church-planting world in Europe (through planting a church as part of the City to City network, and later working for CTC Europe), it pains me greatly to see how many church planters have dropped out of ministry entirely and how many churches have collapsed due to leaders hitting their walls. The emotional and spiritual unhealth of church planters (like me) is likely one of the biggest issues of our church planting movement. So, over the past few years, it has become my deep desire to come alongside people in their struggles and help them discover a new life.
All that to say: This is an ongoing journey for me. But, I’d like for you to be my fellow travelers.